Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
