i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize