and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
