it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
