i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
