her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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