It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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