can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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