Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
