i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize