Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
