it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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