im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
