This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
