Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
