You're my little dorito
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
