since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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