She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
