so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
