It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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