Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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