Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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