Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
