K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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