i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
