his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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