I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
