I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize