you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
