Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize