new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
