i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
