Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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