i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
