dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
