i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
