just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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