dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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