During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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