Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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