my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
