I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
