Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
