your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
