it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
