Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
