Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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