somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
