Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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