Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize