I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
