How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
