my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This baby is an asshole
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
