I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize