I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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