I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
