I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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