I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
