People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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