she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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