Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
