You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
