Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
