I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
