I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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