I want to have your abortion
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
